Got a toothbrush?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
