Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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