nut hugger
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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