So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
