i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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