New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
