Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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