I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
