hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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