Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize