I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
