You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
