fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
