My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
