You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
