at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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