Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
