I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize