He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Randomize
