Me. At least after what I've been through.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
