Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
