this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
