Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize