I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
