Me. At least after what I've been through.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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