Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
