I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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