How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
