Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
