So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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