So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
