I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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