U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
