Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
People in love make me want to vomit
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
