Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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