Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
