listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
