is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
