Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
