The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
