Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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