he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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