Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
