The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
