Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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