The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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