never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's never too late to be topless.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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