It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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