I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
