I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
