apparently the secret to your success is patron
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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