Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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