i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
