my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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