It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think I won the penis lottery.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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