Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Less talking, more tequila
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
