I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize