Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
