i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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