Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize