I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
