In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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