Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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