it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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