i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
