i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
