very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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