I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
