It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
