I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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