Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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