It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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