When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
