Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
