I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
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