At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
