but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
