She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
