atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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