what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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