ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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