he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
