Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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