I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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