You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
