My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
