He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
