Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
