Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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