My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize