Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
