I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
