Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
only you would photoshop your dick
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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