Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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